Yearly Celebrations

Now that life has settled down a little I am going to put together a list of monthly celebrations. I checked out a really lovely book called "Days to Celebrate" by Lee Bennett Hopkins. Each month is a chapter and starts with a calendar with birthdays, important events, and holidays listed for each day. Following is several pages of poems by authors who were born during the month or commemorating events that occurred during the month. The book is mostly Euro-centric, so I hope to find a multicultural resource that is similar.

These are the subject areas I plan on adding to my list:

• Holidays
• Festivals
• Famous authors birthdays (if they are age appropriate)
• Famous poets birthdays (if they are age appropriate)
• Historical events, including inventions, discoveries
• Musician birthdays
• Season changes

I am sure there will be many more categories as I go along but this should be a good start. Check back for updates!

Welcome to Holland

I saw this on the blog Letters From Holland and thought it was a wonderful description of not only the experience of raising a disabled child but also the grief of living with a disability. When you are young you have dreams of what your life will be like and living with a chronic disability is isn't one of them. You don't necessarily want to change your experience because of everything you DO have, but there is a loss of your dreams and it can be difficult to let those go.

Welcome to Holland

by Emily Perl Kingsley (c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved)

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this...... 

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
 

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned." And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
 

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

Can I really do this homeschooling thing?

Let me start by saying I'm having a rough week. It has not been the physical pain, though that is always there, but the psychological pain of wondering if I have failed as a mother to my wonderful children.

Blue, my oldest son, started Play Therapy last week because of some behavioral issues and unexplainable fatigue. At this point she believes it is anxiety, and I am sure I am a big cause of it. In the past year I have spent so much time at various doctor appointments that when I get clothes and makeup on the kids ask if I am going to the doctor? Not grocery shopping, not to the library, the doctor! He knows I am "sick" but he has become obsessed with me dying. I went through a long phase of this myself when I was young and can remember the overwhelming fear I had of my mother dying. It is horrible to hold him as he is sobbing "I want to die when you do Mom, I want to die when you do". I have tried to explain to him that yes I am "sick" but I'm not dying, it is so hard to know how much or how little to tell a 4 1/2 year old about these things.

Yellow, my twin son, was just evaluated by the local school district and has qualified for the special education preschool because of several issues: expressive language and articulation, personal/social, and daily living skills. I knew he was behind, and knew he would most likely qualify, but it was still difficult to hear someone else tell me he was. They were explaining the services they could provide in the preschool environment and mentioned a small yellow bus could transport him there and back. That was when the tears almost took over. I just imagined my angelic and quirky little boy alone on the "short bus" heading to his special ed preschool. 

When you have children you dream of what their futures will hold and all the adventures this life will take them on. Maybe because of everything I have been through my wishes for my children were simple, I wanted them to be healthy and happy. They could be a sanitation worker or an engineer, I didn't care I just want them to be happy. Right now Blue is not happy, and Yellow is struggling and frustrated.

Are all these issues they are having my fault? In some way have I caused them or contributed to them? I see how much other mothers do for their kids, and it makes me feel inadequate. Some days I can barely care for myself, and I wonder how in the world I am going to educate my children? Then I'll have a good day and think that even if I can't teach them everything I want to they are still learning through play and life, and are surrounded by a family that loves them. Something I don't think public school can provide them.

So we're back to taking it one day at a time...

Coming full circle

After spending the past several years researching homeschooling philosophies, methods and curriculum I am back to embracing unschooloing. It has been a long journey of self exploration into my own feelings and concerns of being unschooled as a child. I had always looked at my experience through the eyes of an insecure child and now it was time for me to look at it through the eyes of an adult and parent.

How will I define "unschooling" for our family? I know how my parents did it, and I know how I lived it, but will it be the same? My parents were what is now called Radical Unschoolers (RU). I just found a wonderful forum for RU http://familyrun.ning.com/forum and it makes me smile that all the ideas supported in the RU community are what my parents did organically 28 years ago.

Will I call myself a RU? I don't know? From all the reading I have done on RU it seems that there is a box you have to fit into to be considered one. Don't flame me :-) I am sure this isn't always true, and it is probably my interpretation from the sites I have visited. I just want to do what is right for my children and occasionally what I need to do to keep myself healthy. If I was stronger and healthier I could make those sacrifices for my children but after 34 years I know I'm not. If I overdue it it's my children who are going to pay with a mommy in bed for a week.

We shall see how this new decision will change our course, but I am excited for the journey!

Dolly Parton's Imagination Library

This is such a wonderful program that gives children age 0-5 a free book every month regardless of income. The books are age appropriate and have the childs name on the address label, so it is their own personal book.

My kids really enjoy receiving their books and many of them have ended up being some of their favorites. The program is available in communities with affiliates set up so just go to their website and enter your zipcode http://imaginationlibrary.com/. If your community does not have one maybe you can start one up :-)

Broken Heart

I think Blue is starting to realize something is up with my health problems. I've been doing OK the past few days but have been really tired in the evenings. Last night while OM was putting the twins to bed I was sitting in my recliner and Blue said "I really want you to get better and stop sitting in that chair", then he went on to tell how if I ate good grow food I would feel better. He also thought (in his childhood logic) that maybe I ate too much candy and that is why I am sick and hurt :-( Ugh, it broke my heart. I pretend they are too little to notice but obviously not. So sad... 

Handbook of Nature Study - Free Copy

I found a free copy of the Handbook of Nature Study by Anna Botsford Comstock on-line today. The one I found is at archive.org  and is offered in many different formats. Enjoy!